are you my home?

Homing is a wild ride. trying to sell your house. All the emotions tied up there...

will they like our home?

will they like our stuff?

will they love it here?

what will they look like?

will they steal our stuff?

does our stuff really matter that much?

will they leave our stuff unlocked?

will we feel offended?

will they feel offended?

why are we selling our home again? I love it!

oh yes, to live closer to work, to strive for better than good enough, to get out of the "valley" woodsmoke, to walk away from the long twisted story of here.

Is that them driving BY what is still our home for 30 more days.. real slow

WIll they take care of the plants? is it any of my business?

Will i miss it here?

Will i love it there?

*

WHERE IS THERE?

*

then you find a place, a place you think you can see yourself thriving for a long long time

you begin the dream

the new dream of this home

with you in it

all the history that will happen here for you begins to roll out before you like a red carpet

my son will grow up here

my sons will have dinner here

barbecues

cold winters snuggled up inside

a dog? maybe?

my grandchildren will run across this lawn

then

ZIIP!!!

someone outbid you!

so you grudgingly

roll up your red carpet and get packing

mourn the loss of your future house for 12 minutes

and

move on down the road

a few more house tours

nope too small

nope too stinky

too much traffic

no dining room

no garage

nope too creepy and weird
yes, you find yourself saying things that don;t make sense in the logical world
like
that house had a bad vibe man
or
that house felt sad
or that house felt hopeless
or
bad things happened there
with no
real evidence
back to logical..

nope too far

maybeee.. nope floods
*
You begin trying to 'divine' a good house,
by watching for signs and wonders
or to be like a CSI for houses guy
you try to be a "house whisperer"
hmmm this small water stain could indicate a leak in the roof!
whats under that rug?!
(its almost never good)
your are a trailblazer of plumb floors ... feeling with all your toes and balance.. is that a wow in the flooring i feel?? maybe the house is settling?
whats that smell?
that paint looks slightly NEWER  hmmm wonder what they repaired? Watson!? what do you make of this?
a little bit of superstition sneaks in the backdoor
like Chris and I have taken to blueberry bushes and apple trees as a secret unspoken requirement..if the house has them "its a good sign" unspoken.. but he or I will come running in the door.. "it's got an apple tree, and blueberries!" ahhh we can all rest easy now
its silly
i know
*
now
again

we are in a place

we could see ourselves thriving

being old here maybe

and our future

is rolling out before us
*

where would we have thanksgiving?

what would our saturday routine become?

where would the grandkids play?

would our little guy find friends here?

would he be safe?

is the school good? maybe we should homeschool, school is a rough place these days.. okay no school thinking.. that is too big a story for now

could we breathe fresh air?

the first garden will go right THERE

I wonder if the people who lived here loved it?

yes, you can tell they did

I am careful not to misplace their STUFF or be disrespectful of their stuff

i feel honored that they are LETTING us buy it

even if im not supposed to

its a BIG deal!

i let the red carpet roll and roll, understanding the risk.. that this house too, may go away,  through some fluke, or time warp, or something
trying not to get TOO excited
but there is DANGER
in this 'trying not to get to excited'
the danger of losing the final moment of victory!
you know?
like, if you have spent all this time playing it down, trying not to get attached, etc.. when your dream finally does come true, what do you feel? how do you pull out of the unemotional robot mode?
im not wired that way
so
i plan for renovations, veggie gardens, a big toy, where to put a POTTERY WHEEL!

i imagine barbecues

Ode running across the yard

grandkids

saturday mornings

and cold cozy winters.

it rolls and rolls

AGAIN

i may be WAY jumping the gun
i may get disappointed

but its no matter

these visions

rolled up in the red carpet

are mine

no matter where they end up

what will make our home
is US

and when we get there

I will be glad

and
sit down on the front stoop

and whisper "hello, you are our new home"

"we will be good to this patch of earth, and make LIFE here"

and be happy!

*
we have 29 days
to pack all our cr@p into storage
and get out of the chicken sherpa homestead
make way for the new peeps
they have 4 children
oh it will be nice there for them
and
*
hope
wish
seed
dream
will will have the new homestead waiting with open arms
for us to dive in
swim around
and
begin the work
of
Chicken Sherpa Homestead II
Life back north in the hills
Oohh then we can actually be Hill billies!

hee hee